Yesterday, at half past seven in the evening, I was sitting in the doctor's surgery waiting for my appointment. To look at me, I probably didn't look that ill. I was a bit tired, yes, and possibly a bit hungry-looking, but mostly, I reckon I looked alright.
So, for the past few weeks/months, I've had bouts of crippling pain in my stomach. To give you an idea, it's a bit like when nurses give injections, saying it will be "just a scratch" and it's actually that incomparably sharp pain that REALLY REALLY hurts for a just few seconds, and then leaves you feeling a bit raw for a disproportionate amount of time afterwards. That sort.
It got to the point where I couldn't actually sit properly, because if I let my ribcage drop, it put pressure on the top of my stomach area, and hurt too much. Singing has been a bit of a mission, so the year 8s are learning "leadership skills" and "application of key skills" through leading the warm-ups on my behalf. Good work, year 8. (Although it is a bit weird, hearing all my key phrases coming out of the mouths of small children. It's more telling than a camcorder, honestly.)
So in short, I've been sitting like a hyper-extended prima ballerina, stomach like a sore balloon, trying not to wince every time I lean over to look at a child's piece of work. (They must think I'm really unimpressed with their work at the moment - sorry children).
Anyway, I went to the doctor, and he asked me uncomfortable questions about my toilet habits, then told me to lie on the bed where he uncomfortably asked me to expose my belly, and then proceeded to knead my uncomfortable stomach, inducing not only severe discomfort, but a few shameful tears in the process.
Conclusion is (and just like a good Learning Objective, all sense of mystery was in fact ruined at the outset):
I have IBS. (He thinks.)
Possibly stress induced. Possibly poor/irregular diet induced. Possibly lack-of-sleep induced.
Probably all of the above.
So there we are. And I'll leave you with my current favourite verse:
"Stop drinking only water, and use a little wine because of your stomach"
1 Timothy 5:23