Monday, 5 July 2010

Conflicting Emotions

I am feeling a bit puzzled.

Recently, I have been going through a period of disillusionment about the whole concept of 'love'. It just seems too farfetched (is that all one word?), and a bit improbable. I'm struggling to imagine how can anyone be sufficiently attracted enough to another person to call it 'love'. Tolerate, yes. Like, of course. Find attractive, I'd be lying if I tried to deny that. But love?

The idea of it makes me recoil.

I understand, actually, how you can act lovingly. And I understand that 'God is love', so to deny the existence of 'love' would be to deny the existence of God, which I'm not about to do. So I suppose it's the idea of 'being in love' that I don't get. Being wholly vulnerable to one person, and being responsible for their vulnerability.

Then I see pictures of friends in wedding dresses, and engagement rings and tuxedos. And I feel all at once, a confusing cocktail of resentment, envy, joy, delight, scorn...

and then I don't know what to think.

So I try not to think anything at all.

The end.


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