I tried to explain to someone once about how occasionally I feel as if I am both an "Elly" and an "Eleanor" (I was once an "Ellie" too, but I grew out of her).
Now, Elly is who I'd like to be. Elly is fun, with a dry and witty sense of humour. She is well educated, but humble, and well informed about the world and how it works. Elly is tall (can't escape that, whoever I am) but elegant and interesting-looking. She has some beautiful features and a unique but stylish sense of dress. She is sociable, kind and perceptive.
Eleanor, on the other hand, is clumsy and awkward. She is rude and aggressive and occasionally cutting. She makes derisive remarks, and shows few signs of love. She is tall and ugly, with a big nose, piggy eyes and a wobbly belly. Eleanor struggles in most social situations, as she has no positive social skills and is generally selfish, awkward and pessimistic.
Today, I was primarily Eleanor. Rude, ugly, aggressive, joyless.
And after having read only this morning that love in action looks like joy in hope, patience in affliction, hospitality and humility, Eleanor is not very loving.
My generous, humble, joyful new housemate bore the brunt of it, and she absolutely deserved none of it.
Tomorrow is a new day. New day, (re)new(ed) heart, new start.